I apologize for the long hiatus that I took from this blog over the summer. Rather than writing blog entries in the solitude of Texas, I spent my Sunday afternoons in Utah spending time with Julianne. While I may have driven away my entire readership for the blog, I consider it to have been a sacrifice well worth making. Besides, who is to say that I didn't drive away my readership before I went home for summer. For those of you still seeing if I write something from time to time, welcome back.
Today was my first Sunday back and we had stake conference, which was wonderful. Our Stake President talked about happiness and reminded us that happiness is a choice that we can make, and often times it depends on our perspective and the attitude that we are choosing to live with. This was an important message for me. Coming back to Texas was far from easy, and the first several days have been very lonely to say the least. After an entire summer at home spending time with Julianne and my family, it was a real challenge to return to Texas where books and book reviews serve as my most constant companions. Very few people love books and a well-stocked home library more than myself, but given the choice between spending time with Julianne or reading a book, the book will lose every single time. So, needless to say, the first week back in Texas has been difficult and I haven't had the best attitude about things.
And this is where I found my Stake President's talk to be so needed. I was choosing to focus on what I didn't have, rather than the many wonderful blessings I have been given. So in hopes of changing my attitude today, I just wanted to mention some of these blessings.
1) While listening to Elder Holland's talk The Laborers in the Vineyard today, I at first focused on the fact that I knew what it was like to be among those who "always saw someone else chosen." Each of us, I suppose, has moments in our life when we know what that feels like. But as I pondered the talk in connection with what my Stake President had taught, I was drawn back to a line in my patriarchal blessing, which reminded me that "It was not necessary for [me] to search for the truth as others have had to do," but I was "blessed to come to a gospel centered home where [I] was taught the gospel in [my] youth." In terms of the gospel, I have been among the first laborers chosen almost my entire life, and have never had to know the worry of living without the fulness of the gospel truth. If, for a moment or in a small area, I have had experiences where I have seen "someone else chosen," it was a rare and needed experience, and it was certainly my turn to have such experiences. And so, first and foremost, I have been blessed with the most marvelous message this world has ever known, and the only true key to lasting joy.
2) Along with the blessing of the gospel, I have been blessed with an extraordinary family. While my family is far from perfect, the more I have experienced in this world, the more convinced I have become that I won some sort of pre-mortal lottery in being blessed with them. My parents are among the kindest and most generous people I know, ever willing to open their homes and hearts to those in need--especially to their children. And my siblings (and their spouses) are among the finest people I have ever met. If it is hard for me to leave home, it is only because I have such a good one to leave.
3) This summer was the most enjoyable and happy one I can ever remember. The time I spent with Julianne convinced me all the more of her goodness and of just how lucky I am to be dating her. Walks at the duck pond, Sunday afternoons looking up recipes to test, Friday nights watching White Collar with Julianne at her sister Rebecca's house, and the numerous other things we did together all combined to make for a very happy and satisfying summer. During my last week in Utah, Julianne did so much for me that I almost felt guilty because she is so very good to me. Again, if it was hard for me to leave Utah, it was only because I had it so good there.
4) Finally, from time to time, I forget just how great a blessing I have been given. Graduate school is certainly stressful, and sometimes it feels more like a burden than a blessing, but then I take a second to consider my good friend Nefi Ccuno in Peru, who is one of the brightest people I have ever met and who would give anything to be where I am right now, and I wonder how I could be so ungrateful for such a grand blessing.
I could go on. But I believe my Stake President was right. Sometimes the real issue is whether or not we will let go of our pity parties lone enough to see how truly blessed we really are.
Brett
Thanks Brett, for this wonderful reminder! I had one of those sorts of Sundays too, and I also pondered on Elder Holland's talk and thought about all the many blessings I really have.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking today about some of the lessons that have come in my trials--patience, faith, trust, hope, submitting to the Lord's will, and so on. The thought came to me that even though our trials may come in a multitude of shapes and sizes, the lessons are universal--they are the very lessons we need to shape us and help us become like our Savior, and our Father in Heaven. The blessings that come through our trials far outweigh the temporary comfort of a life void of challenges.
I believe this time in your life will allow you to better bear testimony of the Lord's love and tender mercies in future days. You are going to do great out there with your second year of school!! I don't know anyone more capable or prepared for the great opportunity you have right now. I've known you would get your PHD since we were children. It's just part of you:) Your ability and desire to learn are spiritual gifts and you are doing a great job at cultivating them. The Lord has blessed you abundantly with the scholarship you have and the opportunity to further your education. You can do this!!
Remember, time is your friend;) This time will pass much quicker than you can imagine, and you will look back on it with gratititude and fondness.
Have a great week at school and ENJOY yourself!! Love you Brett!!
You and I are on sort of opposite, yet parallel tracks today, Brett. While you are spending the first Sunday away from home after a summer of joyous reunions, I am spending my first Sunday at home in quite a while. Even though we're sort of on "different sides" of things today, I think we've come to the same conclusion -- that we have a pretty amazing home and we're so lucky to be blessed with family and friends who love us and support us, no matter what.
ReplyDeleteBeing far away from what's familiar and comfortable is tough, that's for sure, and it's easy to give in to moments of despair. I've hosted more than my fair share of pity parties (table for one, please!), so I can empathize with what you're saying here. It's tough to be away from home when you would really love to be back in the middle of all this action, spending time with people and helping out -- or even just being there -- when "stuff" is going on.
It's hard sometimes to see the blessings in these situations, but I know they're out there. As LJ said, time is a powerful entity and you will do so many great things because of the work you are doing in Texas. I know it probably feels like time moves so sl-ow-ly, and it probably does right now, but it won't always be like this. I can hardly believe that it's been 13 1/2 years since I left my own grad school adventure. I have the degree and the lovely bound copy of the diss, but I'm more than a little sad to admit that I've forgotten so many of the little day-to-day experiences that helped shape me into the student and teacher -- the person -- I am today.
Grad school is tough, but you are prepared for it. You are worthy of this challenge! Even though I know you'll have moments where you want to shake your fists at the sky and curse ever having to write another book review, I also know that you will have many more miraculous moments that will help shape you as a scholar and as a person. You will discover strength you didn't know you had, Brett, and you will discover so many great and wonderful blessings of the Lord that will come to you through these moments of doubt and frustration.
Yes, grad school is a rigorous and sometimes lonely adventure, but remember that you are never alone on this path. I've always taken great comfort in the words spoken in the Doctrine & Covenants that we do not behold with our natural eyes the Lord’s designs for the things that will come hereafter (D&C 58:2-8+). His plan for our lives and His timing for all things are perfect. When it seems as if no one else understands what you are going through, remember that there is one who does. He knows the deepest desires of our hearts, and He knows our concerns and sorrows because He has lived them too.
I know a bit about how challenging life away from home can be, and I can testify that I also know how blessed I’ve been both during and since these experiences. I developed my “real testimony” of the Gospel while I was going to grad school and I’m getting a chance to re-develop it again now. I know the Lord is watching over both of us as we’re away from home right now, Brett. He’s giving us opportunities to learn and grow and become more of what He wants us to become. You were an amazing person before you left for Texas and as I see what you are becoming now, I am so blessed and honored to be your sister.
Good luck with the first week of school! I love you lots!