I Still Believe

D. Arthur Haycock, David M. Kennedy, N. Eldon Tanner, Spencer W. Kimball,
Thomas S. Monson, (two unknown people) in Europe (perhaps France) circa 1979

This past week I found out that I could take photos down to the Family History section at BYU's library and could scan them quickly with relative ease, so I scanned close to 2000 photos of my grandfathers that we had in a box in just over 2 hours.  The above is one of those pictures that I thought I'd share a couple of them.

Papa with some guy on a motorcycle.  That outfit he is wearing is outstanding!

I've been thinking for some time about the idea of believing and holding onto our beliefs when it is most difficult to do so.  For me my Papa Haycock is one of my best examples of believing.  As I flipped through these photos, I was again amazed by the life that he led and the experience of spending day after day in the company of Prophets.  He went on trips with them, visited the same sights with them, took pictures of and with them, ate with them, prayed with them, and attended meetings with them.  Like most, when I think of these things, my thoughts turn to ideas of how neat this would be and what a spiritual experience it would be.

But as I thought more about the experience, I realized that this could be as challenging as it was a blessing.  Thinking back on my own experiences with missionary companions, family members, and roommates, I was reminded that relationships can be challenging.  With the sole exception of the Savior, who did everything perfect, every one can be challenging to be around from time to time.  Although I am certain they do a lot better than most of us, even Prophets have good days and bad days, days where they are happy and cheerful and days where the weight of their calling can be frustrating and hard.  None of this should surprise us of course, but sometimes we expect near perfection from the Prophets, forgetting that they are men "subject to like passions as we are" notwithstanding they have "such power from God" (Joseph Smith, TPJS, 89).  Knowing the propensity of the Saints to expect such perfection from the Prophets, the Prophet Joseph Smith told us "I never told you I was perfect; but there is no error in the revelations which I have taught" (Joseph Smith, TPJS, 368).  Like Joseph, each of the prophets are "like a huge, rough stone rolling down from a high mountain" (Joseph Smith, TPJS, 304) being polished through experiences, some of which can be heart breaking and difficult.

During his many years of service, my grandfather saw the brethren as they really were, experienced their good days and lofty revelations, and their days of sickness, heartbreaking loss, and frustration.  He spent his life writing for them, taking down literally tens of thousands of letters, minutes, etc.  At the end of his life, after having suffered a severe heart attack and a subsequent stroke, he motioned to my Aunt Judi in the LDS hospital for a pad of paper and a pen to write one last thing.  With her help to steady the pen, he wrote the words "I still believe" on the paper and partially onto the sheets of his hospital bed.

"I still believe."  I've thought a lot about that phrase and what it meant coming from a man who knew the Prophets better than most.  This was not a phrase coming from someone who had heard only stories that made the Prophets seem perfect.  It was coming from a man who knew them inside and out, knew that they were men who were striving and struggling to becoming more like the Savior, men who had to repent on occasion and learn to grow closer to the Lord in the process.  But the interesting thing is that the occasional struggles of the Prophets weren't the things that my grandfather focused on.  His constant testimony throughout his life was that the Prophets had been called of God and were His chosen servants and that if we would follow them, we would come closer to the Lord.  In his last moments, he was still bearing that same testimony, still proclaiming that this was the Church and Kingdom of God, led by Prophets and Apostles who were directed by the Savior Himself through revelation.  Whatever mortal aspects he may have witnessed in the Prophets, his witness was that they were men of God and that our safety as a people depended upon heeding their words and counsel as they received it from the Lord.

Because I study Church history, sometimes people come to me with questions about this event or that quotation that they are struggling with.  They struggle to know how prophets could have made the occasional mistake (as they see it).  In dealing with such questions, I often think of my grandfather.  He didn't let the occasional mortal aspects of Prophets cloud his testimony of the keys they held and of the Lord who had called them.  The Prophet Joseph once said "I told them I was but a man, and they must not expect me to be perfect; if they expected perfection from me, I should expect it from them; but if they would bear with my infirmities and the infirmities of the brethren, I would likewise bear with their infirmities" (Joseph Smith, TPJS, 268).  This is wise counsel for all of us.  What a pity it would be to miss the brilliant rays of sunshine and the marvelous light of revealed truth that flows from the teachings of Latter-day Prophets by focusing needlessly upon a moment or two of minor imperfection.

At the end of my life, I pray that I might be able to say with conviction as did my grandfather, "I still believe." In order to arrive at such a state, I will, of necessity, need to give heed to the words and teachings of the Lord's Prophets and Apostles, growing ever more firm in my witness of their holy callings.  That I may do so, is my fervent prayer.

Brett