The Tender Mercies of the Lord

Picture taken the last time I was sick, June 2014

It's been an interesting weekend.  Beginning Thursday night, I knew that I was coming down with a cold.  Friday I was extremely tired and a little hazy, but managed to get through work and a friends Christmas party.  And then yesterday I was good enough to get some errands run, but knew by the evening that it was setting in at full strength.  And so today, I've spent the day sleeping, hoping that the rest will help me to recuperate quicker than usual.

For me, colds aren't a simple five to ten day affair.  If coughing accompanies the cold, it inevitably mixes with my asthma, creating a cough that can last anywhere from two to four weeks--and, at least recently, has usually meant a visit to Urgent care for a breathing treatment and a dosage of Prednisone that makes my blood pressure shoot up.  So needless to say, I wasn't particularly enthused about the prospect of this cold.

But this afternoon as I thought about all this, I also had another thought.  I realized that the last time I had gotten sick was June 2014, and the last time that I had dealt with a cold was December 2013-January 2014.  I know that some people have immune systems that work really well, and so long stretches of health like this are not uncommon.  I am not one of those people.  For me to make have made it nearly two years without a single cold, and to have made it a year and a half without being sick at all, is one of the greatest miracles of my life.

As I considered the timing of that all, it was a miracle that I desperately needed.  During most of that time, money has been scarce.  I spent all of last year teaching multiple adjunct classes at BYU and UVU, just to try to stay afloat financially.  I was living paycheck to paycheck during most of that time, and also receiving much appreciated assistance from my parents and others.  I simply didn't have time or money to be sick last year.  Furthermore, during the months that I would normally get sick last year (October-February), I was going through a painful breakup that at times required every ounce of strength I possessed to deal with.  All in all, it was a trying period of my life.  And yet, it was, by far, the healthiest period of my life that I can remember.

All during that time, I realized how great a blessing that health was.  I've been sick enough in my life that health isn't something I easily take for granted.  But the more I have pondered this blessing, the more I have realized that the Lord understands our limits and never gives us more than we can bear.  During this period of health, I was close to my limit several times.  I'm not sure that I could have handled being sick, and I believe the Lord knew that.  And so, He blessed me with health during that time.  And now, in December 2015, because the circumstances of my life are so radically different than the previous year, He knows that I can handle sickness again.

Even in the most difficult periods of our lives, we can rest assured that the Lord knows us and loves us and will not give us more than we can handle--and will even bless us with some of the greatest blessings and miracles that we have ever known concurrent with those trials.  We can rest assured, with Nephi, that "the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance" (1 Nephi 1:20).  One year later, I can see clearly that blessings abound.  And just as important, I can see that great blessings always did abound, even when I could not see them clearly.  For that, I am eternally grateful!

Brett

Our Charted Course

I just have a short post for tonight because it is late.

In 1938, President J. Reuben Clark, Jr., addressed the Church's faculty of seminary and institute teachers at Aspen Grove, up Provo Canyon.  In that address, which has become a landmark address for Church educators, he quoted the following analogy:

"'When the mariner has been tossed for many days in thick weather, and on an unknown sea, he naturally avails himself of the first pause in the storm, the earliest glance of the sun, to take his latitude, and ascertain how far the elements have driven him from his true course.  Let us imitate this prudence, and, before we float farther on the waves of this debate, refer to the point from which we departed, that we may at least be able to conjecture where we now are.'"

President Clark then went on to explain the pertinence of these matters for the Church.  He said:  

"There are for the Church, and for each and all of its members, two prime things which may not be overlooked, forgotten, shaded, or discarded:  First—that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, the Only Begotten of the Father in the flesh, the Creator of the world, the Lamb of God, the Sacrifice for the sins of the world, the Atoner for Adam’s transgression; that He was crucified; that His spirit left His body; that He died; that He was laid away in the tomb; that on the third day His spirit was reunited with His body, which again became a living being; that He was raised from the tomb a resurrected being, a perfect Being, the First Fruits of theResurrection; that He later ascended to the Father; and that because of His death and by and through His resurrection every man born into the world since the beginning will be likewise literally resurrected. . . . These positive facts, and all other facts necessarily implied therein, must all be honestly believed, in full faith, by every member of the Church.

"The second of the two things to which we must all give full faith is that the Father and the Son actually and in truth and very deed appeared to the Prophet Joseph in a vision in the woods; that other heavenly visions followed to Joseph and to others; that the gospel and the Holy Priesthood after the Order of the Son of God were in truth and fact restored to the earth from which they were lost by the apostasy of the primitive Church; that the Lord again set up His Church, through the agency of Joseph Smith; that the Book of Mormon is just what it professes to be; that to the Prophet came numerous revelations for the guidance, upbuilding, organization, and encouragement of the Church and its members; that the Prophet’s successors, likewise called of God, have received revelations as the needs of the Church have required, and that they will continue to receive revelations as the Church and its members, living the truth they already have, shall stand in need of more; that this is in truth The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; and that its foundation beliefs are the laws and principles laid down in the Articles of Faith. These facts also, and each of them, together with all things necessarily implied therein or flowing therefrom, must stand, unchanged, unmodified, without dilution, excuse, apology, or avoidance; they may not be explained away or submerged. Without these two great beliefs the Church would cease to be the Church."

He then concluded that these two things constituted "the latitude and longitude of the actual location and position of the Church, both in this world and in eternity." In other words, these two fundamentals were the geographic markers of our location along the path to eternal life.  And "Knowing our true position, we can change our bearings if they need changing; we can lay down anew our true course."

In order to chart a proper course, we must know two things.  First, we must know where we are going.  We must know our destination and we must know exactly where it is.  Second, we must know where we are right now.  We must know our actual location.  It is here that the latitude and longitude of our testimonies is most helpful.  We know where we are going, as our Heavenly Father has boldly taught us through Prophets and Scriptures that our destination is to become like Him and to live with Him and with our families in His Kingdom.  Therefore we must know where we actually are today.  We must be honest in our assessment of our location, as any prevarication will cause us to miss out on some of the steps and turns that we must take as we pursue our course toward our eternal home.

May we each be able to determine our actual location, and may we then chart a direct course to our eternal promised land.  No matter where we are today, He can and will provide us with appropriate directions and sufficient energy and strength to make that vital journey to our Heavenly home.

Brett

The Christmas Season

This is my favorite time of the year.  Growing up, I always loved the Christmas season, as it meant time with my family, trips to Grandma Dowdle's house in Orem, and trips to Nana and Papa Haycock's house in North Salt Lake.  I love the lights.  I love the trees and other decorations.  I love gifts under the tree.  And I love the excitement of Christmas morning as others open their gifts.  And I love gift giving.

As I thought about the season today, I was reminded of a letter that President Joseph F. Smith sent to his son David years ago.  In it, President Smith remembered some Christmases that had been very lean.  He wrote:

"From 1846 to 1848 and 9 I knew no Christmas, no holiday, and, indeed, if we had a Christmas or a New Year celebration at all before 1846--or until after I was married, for the life of me, at this moment I cannot remember it.  I was teamster, herd-boy, plow-boy, irrigator, harvester, with scythe or cradle, wood-hauler, thresher, winnower . . . , general roustabout, and a fatherless, motherless, and almost friendless missionary, and withal, always penniless. . . . Then when, after these dreary experiences, my own precious cherubs began to come along, we were existing on $3 per day for each working day employed, and that in tithing products at high prices.  Well, I cannot tell you how we managed to live at all, but we did!  God must have helped us, for I did not steal nor defraud my neighbor. . . . There were my three God-give mamas [his title for his wives, he going by papa], and our precious chicks, but not a dollar in cash, with which to buy one thing for Christmas.  I could draw a few pounds of flour, or meat, or a little molasses, or something of that kind, ahead, at the general Tithing Office and pay up at the end of the month with tithing scrip . . . which was not cash.  I saw many reveling in luxuries, with means to lavish on their every want, which were far more than their needs--riding in buggies, on prancing horses, enjoying their leisure, while I--we all! were on foot and of necessity tugging away with all our mights to keep soul and body together.  Under these spiritless conditions, one day just before Christmas, I left the old home with feelings I cannot describe.  I wanted to do something for my chicks.  I walked up and down Main Street, looking into the shop windows--into Amuser's jewelry store, into every store--everywhere--and then slunk out of sight of humanity and sat down and wept like a child, until my poured-out grief relieved my aching heart; and after awhile returned home, as empty as when I left, and played with my children, grateful and happy only for them and their beloved mothers" (Joseph F. Smith to David A. Smith, December 29, 1914, Improvement Era, January 1919, 266-67).

This isn't necessarily the kind of Christmas story that we love to tell at this season.  It is a story of hard Christmases without many things to be merry about.  No one saw and came to comfort the weeping father in the alley.  Shop keepers didn't open their stores and fill boxes and bags with goods well beyond this father's meager funds.  Strangers didn't show up at the door of the Smiths laden with presents.  He didn't find any money that he hadn't known he had.  There weren't stockings filled with goodies or presents neatly wrapped under the tree.  And there was no wonderment and awe as the little children opened presents on Christmas morning.  And yet. . . .

And yet, this is a beautiful Christmas story.  It is beautiful for the same reason that the Original Christmas Story is beautiful.  It is beautiful because a weeping father found comfort and contentment.  It is beautiful because God gave President Smith the strength to return home to his family with nothing in his hands, but with love in his heart.  It is beautiful because President Smith found that He was loved and accepted and welcomed by his wives and children simply because he was the husband and father in the home.  It is beautiful because he found joy and peace and gratitude in the arms of those he loved.

Perhaps this is one of those years when tight budgets and life's economic realities are going to make this one a meager Christmas at home.  Perhaps you are hurting over all the things that you cannot give to your loved ones.  If this is the case, speak to the Lord about your aching heart.  Ask for courage and strength and contentment.  And then go home and play with your children and spend time with your spouse.  Give of yourself.

Perhaps this is one of those years when blessings and good fortune allow you to buy more and to make this Christmas a lavish one.  Before you do too much, speak to the Lord with gratitude for your many blessings.  And then ask how you might be able to lift another who is not as blessed.  Ask for courage and strength and contentment.  And then go home and play with your children and spend time with your spouse.  Give of yourself.

Above all, remember that first Christmas Story and the difficult days that little family faced.  And remember that the greatest and most impactful gifts that you could give this season are to come closer to the Savior yourself and then to help others to come closer to Him with you.

Brett

For We Are Saved By Hope

This week I had the privilege of speaking in Church.  My topic was "Hope as an attribute of Christ."  I have to confess that in the past, as I've thought that in the three legged-stool that is composed of faith, hope, and charity, I have often placed the least emphasis and importance upon the attribute of hope.  It seemed so similar to faith that it just didn't capture much of my attention--and consequently it's vital role in the gospel escaped me.  Further, we are so influenced by the worldly definition of hope that we often fail to grasp the gospel's definition of this subject.  In worldly terms, hope denotes a kind of wishful uncertainty.  But in the gospel, hope yields confidence, assurance, and expectation.  It is this concrete, gospel definition that God desires us to ponder and obtain.  For as Paul declared, "We are saved by hope" (Romans 8:24).

When our world's fall apart and our proximate hopes disappoint us, we are saved by our Hope in Christ and in His perfect atonement which promises, in time, to set right all that has gone wrong.  Ultimate hope, therefore, is "tied to Jesus and to the blessings of the great Atonement, blessings resulting in the universal Resurrection and the precious opportunity provided thereby for us to practice emancipating repentance" (Neal A. Maxwell, October 1998 General Conference).  Rather than being "associated with things mercurial," it is defined by "things immortal and eternal" (NAM, October 1998 General Conference).

One of the things that intrigued me about  this particular topic was the idea of hope as an attribute of Christ, meaning that Christ must needs be our perfect Exemplar of hope.  I had never thought of this. Indeed, the scriptures do not directly speak of Christ having hope, and particularly not of Christ having hope in the atonement that He wrought.  But consider the hope that was required of Him when He uttered that saving declaration, "Here am I, send me" (Abraham 3:27).  With those words He was declaring His perfect hope and faith that He could fulfill His calling to be born into a lost and fallen world, be exposed to all manner of trials, afflictions, and temptations without giving into sin, to suffer as no man, and voluntarily lay down His life and take it up again, in order that He might have the capacity to redeem every willing soul from the chains of sin and death that they might become like unto their Father.  To be able to have confidence in that plan required the greatest display of faith and hope that has ever been manifested on this or any other earth.  It was hope in the plan and hope in the atonement that He had been called to bring to pass.

Throughout His life, He continued to manifest that same hope.  As the winds and the waves began to toss His ship mercilessly upon the sea, the Savior slept peacefully upon a pillow.  The troubled disciples woke Him and queried, "Master, carest thou not that we perish?" (Mark 4:38).  It was perfect hope in His Father's plan that allowed the Master to sleep peacefully as storms raged and winds and waves threatened His boat.  All of us have been upon that boat and have asked foolishly, "Master, carest thou not that we perish?" disregarding hundreds and thousands of proofs to the contrary.  And yet, if our hopes are properly centered with Jesus as their radius, we fill find that in the storms of life, "there is hope smiling brightly before us."  We can then "know that deliverance is nigh."  And even if deliverance is not nigh, we can say as did three young disciples, "but if not . . ." Transcending the transient, true hope, gospel hope, allows us to take life's disappointments in stride, knowing that the eternal promises of God are sure.

Paul warned, "If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable" (1 Corinthians 15:19).  We seek, therefore, to cultivate a hope that transcends this life.  We seek a "hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God."  For it is this hope that "maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God" (Ether 12:4).

How do we obtain this hope?  Because this hope is founded in the perfect efficacy of Jesus' emancipating atonement, we cultivate this hope by exercising our "faith unto repentance" (Alma 34:17).  We cultivate this hope by making and keeping sacred covenants.  We cultivate this hope by receiving the Holy Ghost and the cleansing that He brings.  We cultivate this hope each time we feel the Atonement cleanse us, and lift us, and enable us.  We cultivate this hope by experiencing the love of Jesus.

And then, in the moments of greatest crisis, when our faith seems as if it might shake, we will find that "we are saved by hope."

Brett

Brother Brigham

Tonight will just be a short post, but it is one that I feel strongly about.  In June 2008 I began working for a friend and mentor who needed a research assistant for a biography that he was working on about Brigham Young.  As a Mormon History Aficionado, I was familiar with some of this historian's work, including the fact that he had been working on a long biography of Heber J. Grant, which was not yet completed.  Somewhat foolishly, I asked him why he was focusing on Brigham rather than finishing his biography on President Grant--for whom I have a great love.  It seemed to me that others, including former Church Historian Leonard J. Arrington, had done Brigham, while no one had done President Grant.  And no one had the expertise and understanding to do President Grant the way that he could.  So from my perspective, Brigham didn't make sense.  His response has been instructing me ever since.  He said simply: "Because Brigham matters more than Heber."

My boss's response was curious to me, because all of the Prophets matter.  But the more I thought about it, the more convinced I became of the truthfulness of my mentor's statement.  Second only to the questions of whether Joseph Smith was a true prophet and whether the current President of the Church is a true prophet, is the question "Was Brigham Young a true prophet?"  At one of the most critical juncture points in the history of the restoration, it was Brigham Young, standing as the President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles and holding the keys he had received from Joseph Smith that directed this work to move forward.

In the years since 2008, I have grown to love Brother Brigham with my whole heart.  Many will ask me about him from time to time with questions that reflect an air of uncertainty.  Internet quotations (some true, most not), and rumors, and stories, and worries about polygamy all affect our image of Brigham Young.  But after 7 years of study, I can say truthfully that I know that Brigham Young was a prophet of God and I love him with my whole heart.

So here is the Brigham Young I've come to know:

He was far from perfect.  He could be rough and abrasive.  There is no denying that some of his statements were not as racially sensitive as we would like them to be--and as a Church we regret such statements and the cultural insensitivities that prompted them.  Even some of those closest to him had their moments where something he said or did stung and was hurtful to them.  This is not a man who was made for the political correctness of 2015.

And yet...

Despite his occasional roughness and abrasiveness, and despite some statements that we would no longer repeat, he was a Prophet of sound wisdom and love and, yes, compassion.  I have read the letter where he pleaded for mercy in behalf of a man who had committed SERIOUS (to the point of being unspeakable) transgression.  I have read his letters pleading with the pioneering saints to treat the local Indian tribes with greater compassion and charity.  I have read and studied countless sermons in which he gave strong and practical counsel to the Saints.  Just this last week, I read a beautiful sermon that he gave in Nauvoo, stating, "If we do not build the temple we shall lose all that we do in other matters" (BY, discourse, 26 January 1846, CHL).  This statement was made about Nauvoo, but what practical counsel for each of us in our lives and how we ought to treat the house of the Lord!  It is seldom that I read a Brigham Young sermon without finding myself chuckling from time to time and then moments later being inspired by the strength of the counsel he is giving.  Most of all, I have found a Brigham Young who felt a tremendous amount of love towards those over whom he had been called to preside.

Perhaps what I appreciate most about this man is how complete a personality he had.  Where some historical characters are black and white, Brigham is colorful and rich.  He can be enigmatic and he can be very straightforward.

Many come to vastly different conclusions than me, but as for me, Brigham Young was a servant of the Lord and one that I have grown to love and respect profoundly.  If anyone ever has questions about him, I am happy to try to answer them.

Brett

"Hold on, Wait a Little While"

I apologize for not writing last week.  Things have gotten very busy with tithing settlement and other interviews lately, so some Sundays I just run out of time to write.  It's been an interesting couple of weeks.  I started officially dating a beautiful girl named Ashley Camargo.  She is bright and intelligent and funny and loves the Lord.  It is still early, but I'm really enjoying spending time with her.

In case you weren't aware there were also some other things that happened this week with regards to Church policy.  I have a lot of friends on both sides of this issue, each with very strong feelings.  As a standard policy, I tend to stay out of Facebook discussions on these issues, but since this is my private blog and one that I don't expect will be shared outside of my circle of close friends and family, perhaps I will share a couple of stories.

First, when I first saw the report of the policy change on Thursday night, I must admit that my initial feelings were that it sounded rather harsh and that I was uncertain of it.  And so I think I can understand a little bit of where many of my friends are coming from.  But I was reminded of two quotations, one from Brigham Young and the other from President Eyring that I believe are instructive.

In August 1852, Brigham Young spoke to the saints about his first moments learning about the Book of Mormon.  He said, "When the book of Mormon was first printed, it came to my hands in two or three weeks afterwards.  Did I believe, on the first intimation of it?  The man that brought it to me, told me the same things; says he, 'This is the Gospel of salvation; a revelation the Lord has brought forth for the redemption of Israel; it is the Gospel; and according to Jesus Christ, and his Apostles, you must be baptized for the remission of sins, or you will be damned.'  'Hold on,' says I.  The mantle of my traditions was over me, to that degree, and my prepossessed feelings so interwoven with my nature, it was almost impossible for me to see at all; though I had beheld, all my life, that the traditions of the people was all the religion they had, I had got a mantle for myself.  Says I, 'Wait a little while; what is the doctrine of the book, and the revelations the Lord has given?  Let me apply my heart to them;' and after I had done this, I considered it to be my right to know for myself, as much as any man on earth.  I examined the matter studiously for two years before I made up my mind to receive that book.  I knew it was true, as well as I knew that I could see with my eyes, or feel by the touch of my fingers, or be sensible of the demonstration of any sense.  Had not this been the case, I never would have embraced it to this day. . . . I wished time sufficient to prove all things for myself."  (Brigham Young, 8 August 1852, Complete Discourses of Brigham Young, 1:558).

In April 1997, President Eyring gave this example:  "Sometimes we will receive counsel that we cannot understand or that seems not to apply to us, even after careful prayer and thought.  Don't discard the counsel, but hold it close.  If someone you trusted handed you what appeared to be nothing more than sand with the promise that it contained gold, you might wisely hold it in your hand awhile, shaking it gently.  Every time I have done that with counsel from a prophet, after a time the gold flakes have begun to appear and I have been grateful." (Henry, B. Eyring, April 1997 General Conference).

Both President Young and President Eyring were teaching an important principle about the messages of the Lord:  sometimes it takes time.  This is good counsel for all of us to remember.  In my case, after a few moments of uncertainty, trust in God and in his prophets came, followed by the calm reassurance that God is indeed at the helm of this Church and that He guides our Prophets and leaders.  But I know that for some, that reassurance and those answers did not come immediately, and probably have not yet come.  For any who are still feeling hurt and confused, please hold on for a little while.  For any for whom answers came quickly who are worried about friends and family who are upset, please hold on for a little while, and please allow them the time to study things out and come to understanding themselves.  It may take time.  It took President Young two years, but the answers came.  It has taken others longer, but the answers come.  God works with each of us on our own timetable, and so we must hold on with faith, hold on with hope, and hold on with charity, allowing Him the opportunity to teach each of us in our own time and in our own season.

An example of this that I love concerns my grandparents.  They had always wanted to visit Spain.  During one of President Lee's traveling tours in either 1972 or 1973, he was scheduled to go to Jerusalem with President Hinckley, but was not going to take my Nana and Papa Haycock with him to Jerusalem.  This meant that they had some free time after the initial assignments in Europe, and could make their desired trip to Spain.  When my Papa told President Lee of the trip, President Lee was hesitant and uncomfortable.  He told my Papa that he wasn't comfortable with that plan.  The following day he apologized and said that my Nana and Papa should go forward with their plans and that it would be fine.  My Papa responded that they had changed their plans because if President Lee was uncomfortable about the trip, that was enough for them.

Nana and Papa never made it to Spain during their lifetime (though I feel confident that they spent much time there during the 18 months that my cousin Monica served in Malaga as a missionary).  They never knew during this lifetime what sort of issues might have occurred if they had made that particular trip.  As far as I know, the answers regarding those concerns never actually came in this lifetime.  And yet, I am confident in the fact that they were blessed for their willingness to heed a prophet in such a small matter.  Perhaps nothing would have happened if they had gone.  But that story has served as an example to their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren for many years since that time.

I am aware that this story does not accurately reflect the feelings of many at this time.  And perhaps it is a poor example for the current circumstances.  But one of the few things of which I am absolutely certain is that great blessings flow from a willingness to follow the living prophets--particularly when we do not fully understand their counsel at the time it is given.  For any who are struggling at the moment, "Hold on.  Wait a little while."  Answers and blessings will come.

Brett

The Happiest Place on Earth

This past Thursday was my Mom's birthday.  Sadly, I spent the day traveling to Portland and then listening to historians talk about various and sundry aspects of the American West, meaning that I didn't have the opportunity to celebrate with her on that special day.  Worse still, I haven't gotten her a birthday present.  When I asked her what she wanted, she reminded me that she wanted me to write up a memory of my grandparents (Nana and Papa) for a book of memories that she is compiling for my Papa's 100th birthday this coming year.  And so I thought I would take the opportunity to use this blog to fulfill her birthday request.

Simply put, I had the greatest grandparents a boy could ever have in my Grandma and Grandpa Dowdle and my Nana and Papa Haycock.  I vividly remember trips about two miles south to my Grandma Dowdle's house in Orem (sadly, cancer claimed my Grandpa Dowdle before I knew him well) and an hour north to my Nana and Papa Haycock's house in Bountiful.  These trips were the highlight of my young life.

I never went to Disneyland but for me, Bountiful was the happiest place on earth.  Growing up, I had a lot of insecurities about my small size and my slow speech.  It seemed like friends were always bigger, stronger, faster, and even smarter than I was.  But when we went to visit Nana and Papa's house in Bountiful, I was the most loved boy in the world.  My Nana and Papa who were used to the presence of dignitaries treated me like I was an honored dignitary in their house.  I felt like I was their most prized grandchild--the reality was that each of us was the most prized grandchild.  My grandfather who had enjoyed the company of Prophets listened to my every word, paid attention to what my interests were, and went out of his way to support those interests.

When I first became drawn to the subject of history during my 5th grade discussion of the Civil War, my Nana and Papa scoured their private bookshelves and then the shelves of bookstores to find books on the Civil War that they might add to my small library of materials on the subject.  Some of the first books I owned for myself were these books on the American Civil War detailing things like uniform styles, battle locations, weaponry, etc.  They made a historian out of me simply by caring about a subject that had seemed to strike a chord with me.  To this day, I can't think of the Civil War or Lincoln without thinking about my Nana and Papa.

My Papa's final month is etched into my memory forever.  On a Sunday afternoon in January, my Dad made the decision that we ought to go up to Bountiful--an unusual decision for a school night, but one that we welcomed with joy.  Knowing of our Nana and Papa's love for feeding their grandchildren, we worried that he would want to go out to eat on the Sabbath in order to alleviate our Nana of any challenges.  We packed sandwiches so that we wouldn't have to go out to eat.  But when we got there, my Papa insisted that we go to Chuck-A-Rama as a family.  Words cannot express how grateful I am that we went to Chuck-A-Rama with Nana and Papa that night.  The next day, Dad called us all together in the living room to tell us that Papa had suffered a massive heart attack the previous day and that he and mom needed to rush to LDS Hospital in Salt Lake.  After an open-heart surgery and a subsequent stroke, he was gone on the morning of February 25, 1994.  The news that morning broke my 13 year old heart.  Although I had grown up in a strong and active home, I had not yet come to my own testimony and understanding of the reality of the atonement and the resurrection.  All I knew was that the grandfather I adored was now gone.

That moment drove my soul.  Two years later, I began my serious study of the Book of Mormon and the scriptures and began to find the comfort that I had needed with the death of my Papa.  As I learned more and more about the Church and the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I learned more about my Papa and the cause he had devoted his life to.  In the process, I began to find myself and the sense of security that I had always felt at Nana and Papa's home in Bountiful.  Twenty-one years later, so much of my reason for studying the history of the Church goes back to my love for my Papa Haycock.  Twenty-one years later, my Nana and Papa Haycock and my Grandma and Grandpa Dowdle continue to encourage me in the fields that I love.  As much as anything, this encouragement burnishes my testimony that this life is not the sum total of eternity, but rather a blip on the screen, following which we will be greeted by loved ones who never truly left our sides and certainly never stopped caring about the aims and accomplishments of their children and grandchildren.  And what a reunion that coming day will be!

Brett