Finding Joy

Just a short entry tonight.  I've realized that things are a bit busier on Sundays these days and so I don't always find time to write. This was an interesting conference weekend.  It was my first being married to Ashley and began with her being quite sick on Saturday, which definitely wasn't fun for her.  But all in all we had a good time together listening to the Prophets.

One of my favorite talks was President Russell M. Nelson's talk about "joy" and about how we can find joy in even the most difficult of life's circumstances.  He spoke about Lehi's great words that "men are that they might have joy" (2 Ne. 2:25) and then he talked about how the joy we experience is not dependent upon life's circumstances, but upon the direction of our focus.

His words reminded me of a sacred moment that I experienced nearly a year ago on December 20, 2015.  My Dad had just died the day before.  All of us were in absolute shock, as none of us had had any clue that there was anything wrong with Dad's heart.  I'm not even sure that Dad had any clue--though he did have a propensity for not telling us when he was having surgeries.  But that Saturday was an absolute blur.  To be perfectly honest, I'm not entirely sure what happened that day other than the fact that Dad died, I didn't sleep, and many wonderful people came to show their love and their shock.  Rob and I stayed in Orem that night, not wanting to leave Mom alone and probably not wanting to go anywhere else for ourselves either.

The next morning, Mom needed to make a quick trip out to Pleasant Grove in connection with the funeral and so Rob drove her out there.  Mere seconds after they had left, I became aware that I was alone in the house for the first time since Dad had died and I could see the exact spot where I had seen him and learned that he had passed.  I began to hyperventilate and didn't want to be alone there.  I picked up the phone to call my sister to see if I could go over there rather than be alone in the house at that moment.  But just as I was about to push the call icon, I had a distinct feeling: "Spend some alone with your Dad."  Not only was I supposed to stay in the house alone for that hour, but I was supposed to go out to the area where I had seen him lay and think about him.  In all honesty that impression was counterintuitive to my mind, but I followed it.

Going out to the family room, I knelt down where Dad had last been and began to pray.  With tears streaming down my cheeks, I had a thought that I ought to look at some of the things that Dad might have seen in his last moments of mortality.  A couple of things in particular stood out to me.  One was a small sign that read simply "JOY" and the other was a small carving depicting the Last Supper and the Sacrament.  A lot of other thoughts went through my mind in those moments there as I thought of my Dad, but one of the most profound was that because of what the Sacrament meant, I could indeed have JOY.  Regardless of the pain I was feeling, there were and are answers in the gospel of Jesus Christ, answers that transcended, gave purpose to, and healed the pain of death.  I was still pained and heartbroken by my Dad's death.  I still hurt at his loss and miss him when I think of it today.  But in that sacred moment, I knew that the things of which I had taught and testified for years were all true and had a greater value and power than I had ever understood.  There really were and are answers.  There really was and is healing and comfort.

It was of this joy that President Nelson testified so powerfully today.  No matter the depths of our pain; no matter the size of our loss; there can be and is joy available to each one of us because of Jesus.  It is the ultimate message of hope in a troubled and at times discouraging world.

Brett