"Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt."
--William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure, Act 1, Scene 4.
This week I had an interesting experience. I was asked to look over an article that was submitted to a journal. The article deals with Church education and one of my advisors is on the editorial board of the journal, so I assume that is how it ended up being sent to me. As I read through the article I noticed a couple of places where the author used some notes that I had compiled while researching for Education in Zion and for my thesis. This was fine, as I had done much of that research while working for Education in Zion and I had also given copies of those notes to a friend or two. But it served as a good reminder to me that it was time for me to actually submit some of my thesis chapters to journals to be published as articles.
But as weird as this sounds for someone who writes a blog post and puts it up for friends and family to read each week (usually without much editing because I don't have time to edit it), I am terrified of submitting my writing to editors and reviewers. In my mind, my writing is never quite polished enough or never interesting enough to turn it over to a board of editors. I have heard some of the conversations of friends about published articles not being very good or being deeply flawed or whatever, and so I know how petty and even rude historians can be about works they disagree with. But in expressing all of these fears and doubts about my own work, I am preventing myself from having opportunities that might otherwise be mine for the taking.
In thinking about these fears, and other fears and doubts in my life, I was reminded of Shakespeare's wise words quoted above. The use of the word traitor is interesting and quite fitting. Our doubts and fears are always our own creations. They are a part of us and they do indeed betray us because they never have our own best interest at heart. If we let them, our doubts and fears will hold our faith and confidence hostage forever, never allowing us to progress despite our deepest yearnings for eternal growth. Worse than that, our doubts and fears cause us to believe the worst of ourselves, the worst of others, and even the worst of God. Rather than believing that we are sons and daughters of a Heavenly Father with divine potential, we are forced to believe that we aren't good enough and that we will never be good enough to match up to our greatest desires. Rather than believing that our family, friends, neighbors, and peers are generous people who want to help us achieve our goals, we begin to believe that they have low opinions of our efforts and can only see the flaws in our work. Finally, rather than really believing that our Heavenly Father has a plan for our growth, development, and eventual exaltation, we believe that His plan is for better and more capable people than us, imaginary people who don't struggle as much as we do or need as much help as we need.
When put in print, of course, we all see the absurdity of these fears and doubts, the fallacy of the games our minds play with us. But doubts and fears are powerful foes and never give up easily. Most of the world suggests that we must begin by reshaping our view of ourselves. Such an approach is understandable, for at their core, our doubts and fears are personal indictments we make about ourselves. But perhaps the true way to overcome them is to begin by reshaping our view of our Heavenly Father and of His children. The Prophet Joseph Smith reminded us that "If men do not comprehend the character of God, they do not comprehend themselves" (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, 343). It is so very important for us to know that God loves us personally and blesses us personally. We can begin by praying to see more clearly God's blessings to us personally and then we must open our eyes and take note of and express gratitude for those many blessings He does bestow upon us. When we come to a sure knowledge of God's love for us, we cannot help but come to a sure knowledge of our misunderstanding of our own selves and our own capacities. Secondly, we can pray to see the charity, love, and compassion in others more clearly, particularly that compassion shown toward us. As we notice these things, we must take note of and express gratitude for those many kindnesses. Finally, it will help us to overcome our doubts and fears if the things we attempt to do ourselves are not so much focused upon ourselves as they are upon serving our Father and His children. Our greatest talents and abilities are not to be found in lifting ourselves up, but in lifting and building those around us.
In my life I have been grateful for the examples of those around me who did not take counsel from their fears, but who did what they knew to be right. My brother Rob has done this so often for me, whether it was his willingness to set out on adventures as a child, to blaze the missionary path for his younger brother, or to be willing to try his hand at a tough business a second time after the first attempt didn't go so well. I have watched Rob have some setbacks and disappointments, but more often than that I have watched him grow and succeed through his willingness to try. I hope some day I can be more like him in this regard.
Brett
But as weird as this sounds for someone who writes a blog post and puts it up for friends and family to read each week (usually without much editing because I don't have time to edit it), I am terrified of submitting my writing to editors and reviewers. In my mind, my writing is never quite polished enough or never interesting enough to turn it over to a board of editors. I have heard some of the conversations of friends about published articles not being very good or being deeply flawed or whatever, and so I know how petty and even rude historians can be about works they disagree with. But in expressing all of these fears and doubts about my own work, I am preventing myself from having opportunities that might otherwise be mine for the taking.
In thinking about these fears, and other fears and doubts in my life, I was reminded of Shakespeare's wise words quoted above. The use of the word traitor is interesting and quite fitting. Our doubts and fears are always our own creations. They are a part of us and they do indeed betray us because they never have our own best interest at heart. If we let them, our doubts and fears will hold our faith and confidence hostage forever, never allowing us to progress despite our deepest yearnings for eternal growth. Worse than that, our doubts and fears cause us to believe the worst of ourselves, the worst of others, and even the worst of God. Rather than believing that we are sons and daughters of a Heavenly Father with divine potential, we are forced to believe that we aren't good enough and that we will never be good enough to match up to our greatest desires. Rather than believing that our family, friends, neighbors, and peers are generous people who want to help us achieve our goals, we begin to believe that they have low opinions of our efforts and can only see the flaws in our work. Finally, rather than really believing that our Heavenly Father has a plan for our growth, development, and eventual exaltation, we believe that His plan is for better and more capable people than us, imaginary people who don't struggle as much as we do or need as much help as we need.
When put in print, of course, we all see the absurdity of these fears and doubts, the fallacy of the games our minds play with us. But doubts and fears are powerful foes and never give up easily. Most of the world suggests that we must begin by reshaping our view of ourselves. Such an approach is understandable, for at their core, our doubts and fears are personal indictments we make about ourselves. But perhaps the true way to overcome them is to begin by reshaping our view of our Heavenly Father and of His children. The Prophet Joseph Smith reminded us that "If men do not comprehend the character of God, they do not comprehend themselves" (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, 343). It is so very important for us to know that God loves us personally and blesses us personally. We can begin by praying to see more clearly God's blessings to us personally and then we must open our eyes and take note of and express gratitude for those many blessings He does bestow upon us. When we come to a sure knowledge of God's love for us, we cannot help but come to a sure knowledge of our misunderstanding of our own selves and our own capacities. Secondly, we can pray to see the charity, love, and compassion in others more clearly, particularly that compassion shown toward us. As we notice these things, we must take note of and express gratitude for those many kindnesses. Finally, it will help us to overcome our doubts and fears if the things we attempt to do ourselves are not so much focused upon ourselves as they are upon serving our Father and His children. Our greatest talents and abilities are not to be found in lifting ourselves up, but in lifting and building those around us.
In my life I have been grateful for the examples of those around me who did not take counsel from their fears, but who did what they knew to be right. My brother Rob has done this so often for me, whether it was his willingness to set out on adventures as a child, to blaze the missionary path for his younger brother, or to be willing to try his hand at a tough business a second time after the first attempt didn't go so well. I have watched Rob have some setbacks and disappointments, but more often than that I have watched him grow and succeed through his willingness to try. I hope some day I can be more like him in this regard.
Brett
Thanks for sharing your insights! I know how hard it is to get past your fears and have the courage to follow your dreams. We are our own worst critics. I appreciate your great advice. Love you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jeni! I agree! I think we can be too hard on ourselves some times, expecting far more than most others (usually including the Lord) realistically expect of us.
ReplyDeleteWow, did I need to read this bog post today (ok, yesterday, actually). I've been having lots of conversations with myself lately about what I want and what I have and how to navigate the territory surrounding these two things.
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you, more than a few of these conversations have been tough. It wasn't until reading your blog, though, that I started to think about the possibility of fear being the reason behind the tough nature of these self-chats.
I think, perhaps, I am sometimes too afraid of not having something I really want, or not being able to accomplish a goal I've set for myself. As you and Jen have both so wisely noted here, it's tough to get past these fears and self-critiques. It's so easy to get bogged down in "woe is me" and use fear as an excuse to stay in my comfort zone.
The adversary knows this and uses these things to try and keep me -- us -- everyone -- from moving forward. If he can keep us where we are, we won't progress and learn. This is the exact opposite of what our Father in Heaven and the Savior want for us. They know we will struggle, but isn't it through this struggle that we become stronger and more like them? As the scriptures remind us time and again, the Savior did not leave us alone and unequipped to face life's challenges. He will send the Comforter to us to help sustain and guide us. He will inspire others to come into our lives when and how we need them. He will answer our prayers.
Thank you so much for this inspiring blog post, Brett. It's exactly what I needed to lift me out of a pity party. :)
Love you lots!!